Sunday, 4 April 2010

The Meatini

Some make the bold claim that is was cooking that made us human. The efficient exploitation of a greater variety of food allowed us to fuel outrageously outsized brains. It is these very brains that our ancestors used to invent fire, the wheel and crop cultivation and that we now use for philosophy, science and inventing new game-show formats.

Even in the short term, we can see the advantages of better nutrition in animals. Blue-green algae can be used to boost a pooch's bonce and, just like George Orwell warned us, pigs are turning our own automated systems against us. Maybe we are doomed to be ruled by Swine Lords, overseen by bald eagles whilst shark sentries secure us in their servitude.

I, however, believe in the power of the human spirit. It is humanity, not pigeons or ocelots, that comes up with the cake cannon. Similarly, the Meatini was invented by a man, Joel Veitch and the geniuses at and it is in the spirit of the brotherhood of Man that I share this sophisticated breakfast beverage.


  • Lots of bacon
  • Sausages
  • Black pudding
  • Baked beans
  • Mushrooms


Wrap the bacon around some ramekins or similar small bowl thingys. Put skewers through the sausages and then grill that meaty goodness! Mmm, meat.

While you're waiting, why not fry some mushroom umbrellas?

Removing meat from oven action shot!

Once your meat is all grilled up it's time to assemble the Meatini

Skewer your sausage into your bloody puddings.

Carefully remove your bacon cups from the ramekins

And, err, have your sausage fail when it is needed most :-(.

Never mind, in with the beans! Once again, bacon proves itself to be an amazingly versatile material, holding in the beans with no leakage.

A breakfast fit for a king! Maybe it wasn't the Meatini I fitfully dreamt of the night before, but, as I sit here, supping beans daintily from my bacon dish, I cannot help thinking that it was the journey that was most important. No super-intelligent dolphin or scholarly crustacean can take that away from me.

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